I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
