I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
