i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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