We won't sleep together?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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