Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
