I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
