Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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