Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
