somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
