New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
