She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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