Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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