at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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