Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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