so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
