This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Damn victory sex feels great
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
