Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
