you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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