we have pet lesbian snakes
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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