I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
