If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
