Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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