she was so not down for the gang bang
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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