I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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