Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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