Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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