The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
