Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
