forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
