What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
