OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
