can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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