he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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