Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
