The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
