this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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