There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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