I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
