so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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