You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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