Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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