The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
