no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
