i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
