i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
