she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
