If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My bed smells like the plague
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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