im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Send help, water and tortillas.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
