Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
