so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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