Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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