omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
