yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
