Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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