I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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