Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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