whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I need moral support for this bender
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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