I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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