So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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