is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
