well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
