why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
