I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
