Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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