Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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