woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
