Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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